We have grand plans for the wedding day from the dress we wear to the decorations to the guest list to the color of your nail paint.
Every minute detail is covered. No stone is left unturned to make the wedding day a huge success. So much meticulous planning goes into making this one day memorable.
But, beyond the wedding lies the marriage that is going to be your whole life.
Your lives are merged to form a cohesive unit, from one to two.
Marriage is a life-altering endeavor that demands work, patience, compassion and commitment. It’s a journey of learning and exploring each other.
Since you are going to be in each other’s lives, it is crucial to be on the same page. Some discussions need to be covered before taking the official step of getting into marriage.
Let us see the conversations which need to be hashed out of the way:
Do you want to be a team of more than two?
A significant factor that could make or break a marriage is whether you want to have kids or not?
Having kids is not the be-all and end-all, per se. Yet that should be a conscious decision made by both.
If one wants to have kids and the other doesn’t, where will that lead you?
With such a divergent view, it is difficult to come to a common ground regarding this issue.
If you want to have kids, how many would you want? When would you like to start trying?
Women tend to want to start early as they have to think of the approaching menopause. With their biological clock ticking, it is a vital decision to be made.
If natural conception isn’t working for you, are you open for adoption? Is in-vitro fertilization or surrogacy something you will look for as an alternative to have your progeny.
Dealing with the finances
Money matters might seem trivial, but this could be a concern down the lane and be the very reason for your separation.
You might have debts that haven’t been resolved yet. How are you going to manage the finances henceforth? Will you like to maintain separate accounts or joint accounts.
You have bills to be paid. If both of you are working, will each one pay different bills or split the bills in totality.
Your spending pattern might vary. One could be a spendthrift while the other is the saver. To solve this, you may have to come up with a budget.
How much money will go into saving and how much can be shelled out? When discussed in detail, you can have an agreement and this will not be a headache in the future.
Career and work commitment
This is the twenty-first century, where men and women working is the norm. Self-reliability is the theme now. Career plays a pivotal role in being self-reliable.
After getting married, the paradigm might shift. You have a family life too as a priority. You need to be mindful of each other’s work commitment.
Will the work demand you to move places, and will your partner be supportive of it?
After having kids, will both continue to work or will one of you stay at home to raise the kids. If one of you decides to quit the job or move into a whole new field, will the other person be able to manage the additional financial burden?
If there are promotions and hikes in your salary, will the divide between your income be a problematic factor?
When you are married, it is a given that you live your life together. It isn’t healthy to be attached by the hip 24/7. Even the most devoted couples need space to recuperate and feel steady.
Early on know about each other’s boundaries and which are the lines that can never be crossed.
Some couples know each other’s passwords and have full permission to go through each other’s phone. At the same time, some will not appreciate it and could be a breach of privacy.
Your past experiences
This marriage may not be your first one. You may have triggers as you have been hurt in your previous marriage or relationships.
It is best to be open and put It out there. In the future, this shouldn’t be the source of argument.
Be honest about your past and whatever secrets you have held close to your heart.
Any health issues, your partner should be aware of, let it be known. They shouldn’t be caught off guard.
If you have children from previous relationships, where do they stand in this relationship?
Do you have any addictions like smoking or alcohol issues?
Your past shouldn’t be a roadblock to your future.
Support system around you
During straining circumstances, it is your support system that enables you to move forward, be it your family or friends.
You may have the innate habit of sharing everything with your best friend, but your partner might not appreciate it.
There may be a comfort-level up to which you may connect with the opposite-sex friend that your partner is comfortable with.
You may not like your partner, maintaining a friendship with their ex.
You may follow one religious belief, but your partner holds to a different faith.
Would you respect each other’s belief, or want your partner to follow it along with you?
When you have kids, will they grow up with either of your faith or would you allow them to choose?
Is accepting your family name important to you?
These could be some pointers that could wedge a distance between you.
Family is important. When you get married, it’s also the union of two families.
How would you split your time between your families? Holidays and vacations are the deciding factors here.
You are raised with family traditions that your family has upheld for generations. How would you imbibe when you are starting your own family? Would you start some new traditions as well?
Is there anything more concrete than buying a house together that screams you are together forever.
While buying a house, your tastes will differ.
The location, type of home you are looking for, the interiors, furniture, even the bed could cause a rift between the couple. Believe me!
Managing household chores
If you have been staying together for a while, then you may be in sync with doing the household chores.
But if not, then you may want to bring this up in discussions.
Who will be doing the dishes, laundry, emptying the trash can yada yada.
If one likes to do the cooking and other the dishes, you indeed are a match made in heaven. If not, may God bless you.
Lastly, a significant aspect of your marriage is physical intimacy.
You need to be upfront with your sexual desires.
These are must-have conversations. You need to have open communication and be comfortable in raising this topic and having conversations.
Let go of the fear of judgement unless your marriage may be at stake.