Most of us can relate to finding themselves thinking about their boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends. It can be hard to stop feeling jealous of their past sometimes.
All the things are going great in your relationship, then all of a sudden a memory from Facebook pops up in their feed with their ex-girlfriend and you then are filled with retroactive jealousy.
It is natural to feel anxious and inadequate when this thing happens. Even though you consciously know that your boyfriend has moved on from them and is in love with you now, you still kind of feel jealous of their past relationships.
You wonder if your boyfriend thinks of her ex-girlfriends, or if they sometimes miss them. You might get so much stressed wondering why they broke up because they look so happy in the pictures from Facebook.
Feelings of retroactive jealousy can be common in both the sexes, but here we are going to highlight how women often feel upset imagining their boyfriend being romantic and in love with their ex.
So, here we are trying to teach you the ways to stop feeling jealous of your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends without worrying too much.
Getting jealous over your partner’s ex is one thing, but fighting them on it is another thing. You need to think logically. Your boyfriend was with his ex-girlfriend when you two did not even meet, or when you two were not involved intimately and emotionally with each other.
Even if they had a long-term relationship, it is now your relationship with him that matters more because it exists in the present, unlike his long -term relationship that existed in the past.
Understand from your boyfriend’s perspective
If you want to at least try to stop feeling jealous, try to look at the matter from your partner’s perspective.
How often do you think about your ex? Hopefully, not very often. And if you don’t think about them often why would your boyfriend think about theirs?
Ask yourself how would you react after knowing that your boyfriend is jealous of your ex who you don’t even talk to anymore, or is it really logical to get upset over someone who doesn’t even exist in your boyfriend’s life anymore.
Talk to Your Boyfriend
Communication is always the key to a great relationship. Talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling and why are you feeling like that. Express your reason of jealousy with them. They would surely help you to stop feeling jealous of their ex-girlfriends by reassuring you how much they love you and how much you mean to them.
Just make sure sure you are addressing it right and not being angry at them and blaming them for how you are feeling or simply for having an ex.
Talk to A Friend
Sometimes you feel too ashamed to talk to your boyfriend about this problem of yours as it is not very logical, and is just a insecurity. If you cannot talk to your boyfriend about it, talk to a friend. Why? because a friend in need is a friend indeed.
A true friend would always call you out for your illogical thoughts related to your relationships, rather than supporting you up for blaming your boyfriend. Ask them for their help so you can stop feeling jealous of your partner’s ex. Ask them how to stop feeling jealous and start thinking logically.
They might have experienced the same situation before, so you can bond over how weird it feels to be jealous of your boyfriend’s ex and what coping strategies could be applied.
Never stalk your Boyfriend’s ex on Social Media
This may look tempting, but you are going to have a hard time after stalking them. After stalking them it might become harder to stop being jealous of them.
People only post their best pictures on social media, so you are only going to see pictures in which they look good.
Stalking them would only make you feel more insecure and you would not be able to resist the urge to dig more and more about them and their relationship with your boyfriend. Stopping your jealousy would become very difficult after doing that.
Work on yourself
Think about yourself how free of stress you were and what type of person you were before your partner came into your life. Feels weird right? To think what changed you from being that person to the person you are now that cant stop feeling jealous over an ex.
Make yourself understand that your partner only loves you. If they didn’t, they would have been with an ex instead of you right now.
Focus and work on yourself and try not to get insecure because if they would want to leave, they would do it anyway. It would be their loss if they did. Value yourself for removing negative thoughts from your mind.
Keeping yourself busy can be one way to focus on yourself. Get a hobby, read a book, or connect with an old friend on yours to live your life for yourself and not for your boyfriend.
Work on Your Relationship
When you get jealous of the experiences and moments your partner shared with his ex, try to create new beautiful experiences and moments of your own with them. Replace every memory they had with their ex and create even more memories with them than they had with their ex.
Go on a trip, have a candlelight dinner, or invite each other’s families over dinner or lunch. Enjoy each other’s company and spend every moment of your with them like it is your last day on the earth.
Go through each and every coping strategy listed above if you really want to stop feeling jealous of your boyfriend’s ex. As it is a very common thing, don’t feel bad about yourself. If you work very hard you can take control of your thoughts and stop feeling jealous.
However, retroactive jealousy can also be a sign of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). So, if you feel they are hindering your well being and you feel like you are going crazy about not being able to stop feeling jealous, you might want to see a therapist and get counseling to stop being jealous and break the cycle of these feelings.
Remember a little hard work on yourself can do wonders for you to stop being jealous over someone you barely know. With work, you can move past them.