In the pursuit of finding the one, you have to kiss several frogs. Along the course of the relationship, conflicting needs arose, you were incompatible, or maybe you just grew apart. You had only one choice looming in front of you, and it was to break up. You may have been in love or just cared for each other; it didn’t hurt any less. You had given your all into this relationship.
One of the most excruciating and challenging feelings you undergo is heartbreak or recovering from a breakup. Humans aren’t programmed form birth to know already, how to deal with a breakup; nor can you install software into you which will make this process easy-going. You learn to go through this emotionally painful process. It feels like your heart is torn apart, leaving behind a gaping hole.
Making this relationship work may have been out of your control, but you choose how to survive and move on. Here are 11 tips from my breakup survival guide to become a phoenix.
Cry your eyes out
You have these pent up negative-feelings within you which are bursting at the seams. You are angry, confused, sad, regretting, feeling lonely. It’s this giant ball of emotions stuck at your throat. When the reality sinks into you, your legs buckle up, your body gives away, and you are a mess.
Let the negative feelings out. Don’t fight these feelings.
The first step is to accept that your relationship has ended. Cry your eyes out. Even if it’s like the tap is open and water keeps gushing out. That’s alright. As long as you don’t stack these emotions inside you, you can move on. Let the emotions course through you and feel it. If you block this feeling, you are prolonging the inevitable grieving process.
It’s healthy to get over it quickly. You may feel now that you are in this endless pain forever. Know that the intensity of these feelings will reduce over time.
Don’t isolate yourself
When you are at this phase, it is natural for you to want to be alone. You do not have the energy to deal with people. You do not want anyone to see you in this mess. You are a human, and it is okay to seek help. Don’t act tough and think that you should endure this alone.
Surprisingly, it’s easy to recover quickly from a breakup when you have company around you. Talk to your family or ring up your best friend. If you don’t have anyone close, make a friend. Talking out helps you process your feelings better. By sharing with others, you feel lighter. You’ll realize it is normal and people from every corner of the world have endured breakup.
Journal your thoughts and feelings
Writing down your thoughts and emotions, you feel in a journal can be therapeutic. There are some private matters, and you do not want to share it with anyone. When that is the case journal is your best friend. Journaling will you give a fresh insight into you, and you start to see yourself from a newer perspective. Free your mind to provide space for your heart to heal.
Don’t ignore your health
While living through break up, you want to live under the fort of blankets forever-binging on ice-cream and Netflix. Initially, you are forgiven, but it is inexcusable to carry on with such behavior forever. Start eating healthy, count your greens and vegetables. Sleep deprivation can have a lasting effect in the longer run—exercise to mellow the pent-up feelings. Endorphins released will enhance your mental well-being.
Getting back to your routine will help you in your breakup survival
Current situations feel out of control, and your mind is in a mess. You are frustrated and aren’t happy with the present you. Start taking baby steps to get back to your routine. Don’t wait for the right mood to hit you. It may never come. Don’t think just act—one task at a time. Gradually you’ll gain some semblance of control in your life and mental peace. Routines are liberating-it could be night routine, work routine or weekend routine.
Put yourself first in your priority list
There’s no better time than now to take care of yourself. While you were in a relationship, you had to compromise with your time and priorities. Do one task every day that brings you closer to helping yourself and feeling better.
Get a makeover to feel beautiful. Go alone for a movie in the middle of the day. Volunteer for a cause, it’ll give you a reason to be grateful for your beautiful life. Make a picnic for yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company.
Don’t hasten the process
You will be going through the process of denial, shock, bargain, anger, depression and finally, acceptance. Skipping through any one of these is trying to go on fifth gear when you are on a muddy road filled with potholes. Go through all the stages. Identify and allow them to be able to feel them. Cut yourself some slack and let the process happen organically. Trust yourself and let your feelings guide you.
No blame game and faults
No human gets into a relationship to fail it or hurt the person involved. It is inevitable. Stop blaming or finding fault.
Learn to let go. Forgive yourself and your partner. Don’t feel guilty of not trying hard or have regrets of breaking the relationship, because it wasn’t going anywhere. It’ll be an endless pit until you stop the blame game.
Cut every tie between you
If you genuinely want to move, give up on any hope of getting back together. It is futile for both you and your partner. Stop stalking your partner’s social media handle. Stop browsing through old photos. Don’t call or message back. It’s like ripping off a band-aid cut off every tie. You have to have some breathing space. You do not maintain a friendship with your ex. Maintaining relations is adding salt to the wound repeatedly.
Don’t fill the void
Break up has left this gigantic void between you and you do not want to face it. Instead of processing the emotions, you just try to replace it. Running away is never the solution. Making drastic changes without thinking through can have adverse effects. Instead of doing the direct way you are going about it in a roundabout way. Rebound relationships are analogous to filling a hole made of cement with sand. It’s temporary.
Let it be a lesson
Every relationship offers a learning experience. List down the mistakes you made from your past relationship and grow from it. You only move forward from there. Enjoy the moments of being single and invest in self-growth. Self-investment is the most rewarding.
Do not let one relationship jade you. Have faith in you to come out like a phoenix through the ashes. Have faith in love. Love will come and find you again. Until then, keep loving yourself.