Some guys out there are nervous wrecks and just don’t know how to talk to girls or how to talk to a girl they like. Luckily, we’re here to help you with that with proven tips that really work.
While talking to a girl you like, the most important thing that you need to keep in mind is that you have to make her feel attracted to you.
One of the ways that you can do that is by being confident around her and while being your true self.
When talking to a girl that a guy isn’t interested in, he usually feels easy to just be himself, talk freely, joke around, and say whatever he feels like.
But, when it comes to talking to a girl he likes, he suddenly finds it difficult to be his true self and bring up topics for conversation.
So here are some of the best tips on how to talk to girls which will help you in the long run.
How to stop being nervous when talking to a girl you like or girls in general
Before we begin our guide on “How to talk to girls” we need to short out this issue first. For some of us, nervousness causes us to freeze up as soon as we start talking to girls and even worse if we have got a crush on a girl and have to talk to her.
There are many reasons to feel nervous when we start talking to a girl:
- We’re afraid of rejection.
- We don’t have enough experience in talking to girls.
- We become self-conscious around the girl we want to impress.
Here are the 2 things that could be done when you’re too nervous to talk and don’t know how to talk to girls.
It is okay to be a little bit nervous
If you’re a bit nervous, that can create a certain tension and intensity. That tension and intensity is good for the chemistry between you and the girl you like.
For example, if your voice starts to shake or you start to stammer a little, it won’t turn her off. Instead, it would help make the interaction more exciting and genuine. It will tell that this means something to you which will make it more interesting to the girl.
Nervosity is our body’s reaction to prepare us for a new or challenging situation. It has the psychological function of making us more creative and wittier in these situations which helps us dealing with it better.
Focus on the girl instead of focussing on yourself
Focus on what the girl is saying, how she’s feeling, what she wants. Ask questions in your head about these things. Try to figure out who she really is. Talk to the girl focussing your attention on her.
When you focus too much on yourself, thoughts like “Do I look okay?“, ” Does she like me? “, or “Am I too ugly to be with her? ” keeps coming up which will make you even more nervous and conscious about yourselves.
When you switch your focus from yourself to her actions, your nervousness and self-consciousness will start to disappear. That’s because your brain can’t focus on two things at the same time. So, if you focus on the girl, you’ll make sure you stay attentive and avoid any extreme nervosity and self-doubt.
She doesn’t want you to feel intimidated
As you may have noticed, most guys feel intimidated by attractive girls or the girls they like. They feel like those girls are way out of their league or are too difficult to start a conversation with.
If the girl that you like is attractive and pretty, then she is used to guys feeling intimidated by her. She is also tired and bored of guys wanting her so easily and without her having to do anything to impress them.
Simply based on her appearance, most guys wish they could get a chance with her, which then leads her to wish that she could meet a guy who is more of a challenge and who isn’t intimidated also someone who would like her for her personality or her nature and not just by her looks.
Increase the attraction by maintaining suspense
Suspense is uncertainty mixed with excitement. And you can increase attraction by keeping her in suspense.
If you give her compliments all the time and all your attention, she will know that she could have you whenever she wants. This will kill the suspense for her and won’t be as exciting for her.
If you give her just enough attention and compliments to poke her interest, she will suspect you’re interested in her, but she won’t be very sure about it. This will make her think even more of you because she would want clarity.
Mistakes to avoid when talking to a girl you like
A big part of knowing how to talk to girls is knowing what you should avoid doing. These are the mistakes you should always avoid.
Don’t pretend being just a friend
If you are planning to have a romantic relationship with the girl you like, you need to focus on making her feel sexually attracted to you and you also need to let her know that you find her sexually attractive and not merely attractive to be friends with.
You can talk to her for hours and hours, but if another guy comes along who knows how to make her feel sexually attracted and then it means that you will be slam-dunked into the friend zone.
If you’ve been trying to want to be her friend and haven’t been making her feel attracted, then she’s very much likely to accept that you just want to be friends with her. She will only see you as a friend or someone she knows and won’t think twice about leaving you behind to hook up with a guy who knows how to make her feel sexually attracted.
You would feel shocked and disappointed when she would do that because you really thought you two were getting along so well, but what you were missing was the key ingredient, that is sexual attraction.
So, don’t pretend that you just want to be a girl’s friend. Make her feel attracted to you, show her that you find her sexually and romantically attractive.
Be a nice guy but not way too nice!
There’s nothing wrong with being a good guy. You don’t have to become a bad guy to attract women or have your chance with them.
Some women are attracted to bad guys, but that doesn’t mean that the bad boy is a bad person. Women are attracted to them usually because he is very confident and masculine around her and that makes her feel attracted. She will be aware that he is not a very good guy or isn’t very trustworthy, but she will still act on her feelings of attraction for him.
So, does that mean you have to become a bad guy to attract a woman? Absolutely not!
You can still be a good guy and be confident and masculine when you talk to girls. You do not have to be a bad boy or be mean or rude to women.
Many of the guys make the mistake of being way too nice to girls in the hope of being liked by them. For example: He might do her a lot of favors, listen to her talk non-stop about all of her problems in life, laugh at all of her jokes even if they are not funny at all and treat her very well in the hope that it will make her “like” him.
Doing this will only make a girl like you as a friend, but it will not cause her to feel romantically attracted to you. The only thing that would make her feel that way is you creating a spark of attraction between you and then acting on that.
Some of the ways you can create that spark between the two of you are being confident and showing masculinity around her.
Don’t make her lead the way
When you make a girl feel attracted towards you, she will sometimes directly tell you that she likes you. She may even ask you on a date or catch up sometime.
But, not all girls are the same.
Some are very shy, less expressive and are usually worried about getting rejected by you. Yet some are very confident and will not go on a date or even kiss you unless you pass her confidence tests.
Don’t try too hard to be funny or interesting
Most inexperienced guys get this wrong. They think it’s really important for them to keep the conversation fun or interesting, that they forget about the most basic conversational rules.
This leads to weird, awkward, or uncomfortable conversations.
You have to maintain a normal conversation which will make her feel comfortable and relaxed with you and then you are gonna be already halfway there.
How can you tell if a girl likes you
There are several pointers that indicate a girl likes you. Watch out for these signs.
- She is laughing at all of your jokes even if they’re poor and unfunny.
- She has added you on social media and likes your posts regularly. (Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram)
- She has told her friends and family about you.
- She teases you in a playful or flirty way.
- She is holding eye contact with you for a longer time than usual.
- She touches you when you talk (like pats your arm while laughing).
- She seems extra shy when you are around her.
- She gives you more attention than she gives others.
Don’t proclaim your love or feelings for the girl
This goes together with the tip about maintaining suspense. Try to avoid telling her how you feel about her or that you like her before you know that she has feelings for you too.
So many guys lose their chances by telling the girl about how they feel about them too early. It just ends up putting pressure on the girl, and if she doesn’t have the equally strong feelings for them yet, she will want to escape that pressure.
Even if she was a little bit interested in you, and you tell her you’re very much interested in her, she will feel pressurised to like you back just as much to avoid hurting your feelings.
Humans obsess over things they don’t have and take for granted the things they have. Thus, if you will tell her about your feelings early she will think she can have you whenever she wants and you will become less interesting to her.
Now that all the tips are clear for you to follow, here are some topics to start a conversation and break the ice ao you don’t have to wonder anymore about how to talk to girls.
Topics to talk about with a girl to know her
Usually, the best way to start a conversation is to talk about the current situation you are in. The questions you’ll ask vary greatly on where you are and what you are doing.
This one works best if you talk about what they are wearing. Maybe try complementing a piece of clothing they are wearing that you like and ask where they got it.
Job or Work
Numerous questions could be asked about job and work
- What do you do?
- How long have you worked there?
- Do you like it?
- How are your coworkers?
- What’s the best/worst thing about being a (their job)?
- What do you think about (current news story)?
- Did you hear about (news story)?
- How much do you follow the news?
- What do you think doesn’t get enough news coverage?
- What gets too much attention in the news?
- How do you get your news?
- What kind of music are you into?
- What music did you like when you were younger?
- What’s your favorite band/singer?
- Have you been to any concerts recently?
- What’s your favorite album?
- What’s your favorite food/ethnic food/restaurant/thing to cook/seasonal food?
- Do you like cooking?
- How do you usually find good restaurants?
- What weird foods have you tried?
- Do you like reading books?
- What types of books do you like?
- What’s the last book you read?
- What’s your favorite book?
- What book is overrated?
- Are there any books you would really recommend I read?
- Where have you been on vacation?
- What did you like/dislike about (the place they traveled)?
- Where do you wish you could go to?
- What place do I really need to see?
- What’s your favorite place you’ve been?
- Do you have any hobbies? How long have you been doing them?
- How did you get started?
- What common misconceptions do people have about your hobby?
- What hobbies did you have when you were younger?
- Are you a cat person or a dog person?
- What do you think about (animal) as a pet?
- What pets have you had?
- What pet would you like to have?
- What kind of sense of humor do you have?
- Are there any comedians you really like?
- What are some of your favorite comedies?
Actors or Actresses
- Who are some of your favorite actors or actresses?
- What actor or actress will you watch no matter how bad the ratings for the movie are?
- Which actor or actress used to be really popular but has fallen off the radar?
- What actors or actresses only play one character in every movie they are in?
Where they grew up?
- What was your hometown like?
- Did you enjoy where you grew up?
- How much did where you grew up shape you?
- What were some of the best and worst things about where you grew up?
- Do you stay in touch with your old childhood friends?
- What do you usually do when you hang out with your friends?
- Do you prefer having a lot of friends or just a few close ones?
- How long have you known your best friend?
- How did you and your best friend meet?
- How many siblings do you have?
- Do you live close to your family?
- Do you still go to a lot of family gatherings?
- What family traditions do you have?
- What accomplishment are you most proud of?
- What awards or trophies have you won?
- What is the next big thing you want to accomplish?
Talents and Skills
- Is there anything you are naturally good at?
- What do you wish you were better at?
- What are the most useful skills you have?
- What skills would you like to learn?
- What are some skills that you think everyone should learn?
- Do you have any unusual skills or talents?
- What do you like/hate shopping?
- Where do you usually shop for clothes/shoes/groceries?
- How often do you window shop?
- Do you prefer shopping online or in-person?
- When shopping for clothes/shoes, do you prefer to shop alone or with other people?
- Do you like coffee?
- How many cups do you usually drink a day?
- How do you take your coffee?
- Where do you usually get your coffee fix?
- What kind of coffee do you usually order at a café?
- How often do you go to a café?
- What’s your best/worst habit?
- Have you ever succeeded in breaking a bad habit?
- What’s a good habit you’d like to start?
- What’s a bad habit that you just can’t seem to break?
- What social media platform do you use most often?
- Which social media platforms do you not get?
- Are there any social media outlets that you don’t like but have to be on them because of friends or family?
- How much time do you spend on social media?
- Do you know any other languages?
- What words do you know in other languages?
- What language do you wish you could learn?
- What is the most useful language to know?
- What do you think about English becoming the default language?
- What do you think would be the hardest language to learn?
- Have you ever tried a dating site or app? How did it go?
- Do you think that online / app dating or more traditional ways of dating are better?
- What do you think could be done to improve online dating and dating apps?
- What stresses you out the most?
- How stressed are you on a daily basis?
- What’s the best way to relieve stress?
- What’s stressing you out these days?
- What stresses you out but really shouldn’t?
- When are you happiest?
- What do you think leads to long term happiness?
- Can a person learn to be happier?
- What do you do that makes you happy in the short term but makes you unhappy in the long term?
- Do you think people are happier on average now than they were in the past?
- What kind of things get on your nerves more than they should?
- What small things do you consider rude?
- What does your friend/coworker/roommate that bugs you to no end?
- How accurate do you think stereotypes are?
- What stereotypes apply to you? Do you think they are accurate?
- What are some positive stereotypes?
- Why do you think stereotypes are so common?
- What stereotypes are the most hurtful?
Those are all of the tips we could share on how to talk to girls.
Making the first move is always hard and scary. There are so many what-ifs that could scare you out of never speaking to any of the opposite sex in public.
Keep in mind that if she’s not participating in the conversation much, she may not be interested and that’s okay.
You’ll have gotten your feet wet with talking to her and hopefully the next time you do, it’ll feel easier. You definitely don’t want to waste your energy on someone who isn’t into you.
So guys, figure out what you want and remember, girls are humans only. Take a tiny risk by breaking the ice… we promise it won’t hurt you!